Five Things Your Mama Didn't Tell You About Pregnancy

I am coming up on the third trimester of my second pregnancy. I was pretty surprised to learn from both my pregnancies that everything you read/see on tv is not the whole story. There are things that happen that I could have never imagined and knew nothing about. Whenever I developed a new symptom, I’d run to my mama. “Mama! Why didn’t you tell me my boobs could start leaking this early?” And she’d say “Oh yeah, I forgot about that.”

My mother, as wonderful and beautiful as she is, did NOT properly prepare me mentally for pregnancy. I wouldn’t say it’s her fault. Both my pregnancies were extremely unplanned and a surprise, especially the second pregnancy. But I don’t want your learning experience to be like my learning experience so I decided to write this post to see what I could teach you ladies. Five things your mama (ahem my mama) didn’t tell you (uuuh me) about pregnancy:

1. Pregnancy makes you blind

I learned this hard lesson my first go round and have been thoroughly reminded of it this second time. If you’re like me and wear prescription glasses anyway, this will shock the panties off of you. Imagine sitting there staring through the glasses that you’ve spent so much money on and wondering why the hell they’re not working anymore. Well, honey bun, you can think that sweet little bundle you got cooking inside. 

Why does this cursed symptom plague you, you may ask. Pregnancy hormones. What else is new? According to a very convenient article I found on the very popular website What to Expect, “Hormones can cause fluid build-up in your eyes, the same way they make your ankles and feet swell up. This can lead to changes in the curvature of your eye, which can affect your vision while you're pregnant. You might also experience a change in the thickness of your cornea, making your eyes feel more sensitive — and contact lenses [or glasses in my case] harder to tolerate.”

Not to worry, girls. Your eyesight returns to normal right after or very shortly after delivery. I am sorry to inform you, though, that this is one of those symptoms that can last the duration of your pregnancy. Sorry babes. But hey! At least when you look at your beautiful little blast of sunshine, you’ll be able to see him/her clearly. Positivity… right?

2. Labor pains after labor

One evening, shortly after pushing my little squishy faced son out, I was home trying (and struggling) to get into bed. All of a sudden, an excruciating tightening seized my abdomen, and I curled over in pain and shock. Fear swept through me as I was mentally thrown back into the delivery room. It was the exact pain of a contraction. The bad contractions. Not the easy beginner contractions. Safe to say I wanted to scream for an ambulance. It didn’t last long, about the duration of a normal contraction, but it is something that continued over the next few days.

After labor, your uterus begins the work of shrinking itself or contracting back to its normal size. Hence the terror inducing contractions. This is something that completely surprised me simply because I didn’t expect it. I called my mama immediately demanding information. She reassured me that it’s normal, and then I went on to accuse her of preparing me not at all for this whole experience. Hee hee. 

3. The oh-so-helpful belly band

When I was pregnant with my son, I was obsessed with not being pregnant and how fast I could start to look like he never happened to my body as soon as he was out. This led me to a lot of information on belly bands and what not. I admit my motivation for seeking the information that I received was less than kosher, but I did learn some valuable things.

Aside from the fact that a belly band does help your stomach shrink a little faster, it also helps your abs find each other again like long lost siblings and join hands. Imagine how much they missed each other and how happy they are to be together again thanks to that magical belly band. Sigh. During pregnancy, according to a website called Kidspot in an article titled How to Avoid Abdominal Separation During Pregnancy, “your growing uterus puts pressure on the two bands of abdominal muscles that meet in the middle of your stomach. This can cause them to separate in a condition known as diastasis recti (or abdominal separation).”

There are plenty of ways to prevent this condition and to repair it should it occur. It does occur in two-thirds of pregnancies so don’t worry babe. You can fix this ish should it plague you. Oh also, heavy lifting and crunches before your doctor gives you the okay ain’t how you do that, kay? That is a way to cause it though. The belly band helps prevent it and repair it if it happens. It’s not the cure all, but it is very very helpful.

4. Postpartum bleeding

Did you know your doctor is gonna hand you a lovely, lacey (uuuh more meshy) diaper after your baby is born? Wink wink. Yeah girl, the humiliation has only begun. You’ll find yourself limping into the bathroom shortly after birth and sliding on an actual diaper. Honestly, it’s more like mesh panties with a diaper built into it.

The reason for this, and the reason you need to send your partner to the store to stock up on pads you didn’t think you’d need, is because you bleed up to several weeks after delivery. For me, personally, I bled for around two and a half weeks. Then, when the blood stopped, there was some weird mucus-y discharge that came next. That lasted for about a week or so. All in all, expect to wear a pad for at least a month. For some women, it’s longer. 

Don’t fret though. It really feels like a long period without all the awful period symptoms. You and partner bae can’t even get it on anyway, so it’s not like you’re missing anything. Your body is doing what it needs to to help you get back to prime condition (as in before-baby-ruined-everything-physically-for-me condition).

5. That “bounce back” myth

For some reason (I blame Instagram), first time preggers seem to think that their stomach is just gonna slide back into place right after the baby comes out. Our partners also seem to be confused when we still look very pregnant after birth. I don’t know where this myth came from or when it started, but, just so you know, you will still be able to wear your maternity clothes after your baby comes out. 

It depends on several factors like DNA, fitness level, age, and so on, how fast your belly goes back down to anything resembling unpregnant. But it will NOT be within the first couple of days. It doesn’t matter who you are. You will still be very swollen when you push that baby out. 

There is also another thing I’d like to address. You need to give your body all the time it needs to heal as much as it can. DO NOT try and start “bouncing back” and “getting snatched” until your doctor tells you it’s okay to start working out. And even then, you need to start slow and easy and build up the intensity as your body strengthens. Eff societal standards and whatever impressions Instagram has given you. Take your time and let your body do its own thing. You just grew a human for eff’s sake.

Comment below and let me know what other symptoms you guys experienced that took you by surprise, especially the kind of stuff no one talks about. As always, thanks for stopping by. Follow me on Instagram/Twitter/oh I guess those are kind of the only things I use.

P.S. If you want to read up on some of these symptoms a little more, I linked the two articles I used below:

What to Expect

Kidspot